painting over

My work for the show is done, but I'm still painting over panels I don't like as well and redoing or refiguring them. What is this drive that most creative people have? An underlying sense that the work could be better. The need to say (and mercifully I can hold my tongue) "thanks, I'm glad you like it, but you should see what I'm doing NOW."

Unless something is stuck in time or in the cog, work evolves for everyone. I am a very different painter than I was in 1981 when I was first out in the light. Everything I painted delighted me then. What was I thinking???? I didn't have enough experience to be critical or demanding. Sloshing around in the mess in the studio was terrific enough.

Living makes the difference doesn't it? All the things that happen to you. The refusals, the social mistakes, the personal tragedies. Living through children and lots of dogs, cats and guinea pigs. Living life in drama mode. Super highs, grumbling lows. Lots of side jobs. Like working in a frame shop measuring potential frames and being absolutely stupid about math. Like working a lowly phone answering job in a gallery and wanting to slug the pissant star artist in the face. Like working at window display for years and years in a big now gone jewelry store and while working on design listening to people picking up a quick hugely expensive ring for no reason. But also like teaching art and loving it. It evens out.

Enough.